When I ask a client what they want, they often pause.
Then a list. What they should be doing. What they've always meant to do. What other people expect.
Then: "Honestly, I don't know."
Most are surprised. They're intelligent, capable, and successful, yet they can't easily define what they want, intrinsically. If that's you, then frankly nothing is wrong with you. You just have too many open drawers.
I know, having lived it, particularly as a small business owner.
I love a new idea. New is dopamine, and I'm always keen on the next thing: a new offer, a new post series, a new project. The problem is that if you haven't quite worked out what you're actually after, then every new idea just walks right in. You start the next thing before you've finished the last one, and you end up with more open drawers and less forward movement.
What changed it for me wasn't any more discipline. It was just getting absolutely clear on one goal so that all the other ideas had somewhere to go.
What open drawers do to your head
Imagine a room where every dresser drawer is open. Work goals. The book you're going to write. Getting healthier, being a better partner, parent, and friend. Cleaning out the garage. Changing careers. Each one is half done, and they're all there in full view.
That's what the "shoulds" do. Each one lingers in the back of your mind, demanding attention, and none of them ever actually close.
With ADHD, this gets much worse. Your working memory can't handle the whole list, so it keeps going in circles. Your interest-driven brain wants to look at every drawer at once, and 'important' doesn't tell you which one to start with. You just end up swirling, and nothing gets done.
Not having the foggiest idea what you want is rarely a lack of want. It's far more likely you have too many wants and no way to figure out which one to focus on now.
4 steps to close the drawers
1. Just empty your head onto paper. Set a timer for 10 minutes. Write down every 'should', 'want', 'someday ', and 'I really ought to' you can think of. No order, no editing. The point is to get it out of your head and into one place, which will reduce the noise.
2. Sort each item by whose voice it is. Next to each one, mark:
M = mine. I want this.
S = a 'should'. Someone or something told me I should.
L = later. Good idea, not now.
Be honest. You'll probably end up with some of the things you've been carrying for years that you don't actually want.
3. Just deliberately put the S's and L's on the "not now" list. Don't delete them. Just close them for now so they stop taking up space.
This is also where the shiny new ideas go. I have a 'parked ideas' list. If a new idea occurs to me halfway through a project, I'll write it down instead of chasing it. It still counts; it just gets to wait its turn.
4. Pick one M and write one sentence. Finish this: "In the next 30 days I want to ______ so that ______." Then name the smallest next step you can take this week.
That sentence is your clarity. It doesn't have to be perfect, and it doesn't have to be etched in stone. It only has to be clear enough to act upon.
One question for when you're stuck
If sorting is proving impossible, then ask, "If this were sorted, what would be different in my day?"
The answer is pointing to what you really want underneath the task. It might be rest. It might be respect. It might just be peace of mind.
What to do next
Set a 10-minute timer and do step 1 today. That's it.
If you do the exercise and still can't decide, or you do decide and still can't get going, that's where coaching comes in. We work together to separate what's just a 'should' from what matters, and then I help you get on track and do what actually matters.
Want help with this? Book a free 30-minute consultation at, https://LynnBcoaching.as.me/
Lynn Baldridge is an ADDCA-certified ADHD coach who works with professionals. After an extensive career in product management, she was diagnosed with ADHD and is passionate about helping others.
